Little monster

Halloween came and went so fast! Austin was a little monster this year...and as you can see, the CUTEST! It was very fitting. Hes already taking after his father and is quite the little stinker these days!! ;) We didnt go trick or treating and no one comes around in our neighborhood so we dressed him up and off to Target we went. Then came home and took a million pictures...he was soo over it! Im shocked I got the pictures I did because now that he can crawl he wont sit still for aaannything. Oh yea, hes CRAWLING! I will post an update after we have his 6 month appt (ok so he will be almost 8 months when we go since I had to reschedule!)

This year I had hoped to do so much and didnt do anything...kinda bummed about it. I wanted to go to an awesome pumpkin patch, but went to a suuuper lame one with miniature pumpkins. I wanted to paint one for Bella and take it to her grave, and carve a few for the house...but did neither. Roast seeds? Nope. Ah well, next year...and im serious! I DID however make a super cute pumpkin hat (after a few bad ones I got it right!)

Ryon and I had a couple days off together in October and we had planned to do a few things. The weather was kind of crappy so we didnt really end up doing much. Our original plan was to go to Lurray (&and possibly Charlottesville) but decided to stay close instead (Austin is still in his infant carrier and we didnt think hed be very comfy on a long trip!) So we drove to Skyline drive and went to Skyline Caverns. So pretty this time of year! {And I am NOT a Fall girl..} It was pretty cold and windy the day we went, but it was nice to be together just the 3 of us! Thats MY kind of vacation...and it doesnt happen often. Ok let me go back...my kind of vaca would be sitting on the beach in the carribean just me and my 2wishitwas3 lovies :) but ill take the mini road trip ;P

I dont use the computer much these days...thank goodness for high tech phones that can do everything but make a cup of coffee as my FIL would say ;) lol... but when I get on there maybe ill make a post of pictures! The app I use, I can only post one..and some day ill have to get these 3000(nojoke) pictures off of here!

Thats all for now...check back in 2 weeks for an update and stats on Baneman!

Help a felow BLM

 GOOD NEWS! this mother has had a few losses...and her daughter has serious health problems. Follow the link, read her story, and consider helping her out ;) TIA

The cutest thing eeever

Yep, I gave birth to the cutest little boy in the world.

6 months

Happy 1/2 Birthday to my sweet (and especially cranky at the moment) baby BOY! I sure have loved every single second of being his mommy. There was maaaaybe 1 time where I became frustrated..if that. {thankyouBella}

The time has really flown by, but at the same time it feels like he's been here forever. I always said that when referring to Bella too. Guess thats just life, huh?

His two bottom teeth are just about thru and they have been really bothering him the past couple days. Poor buddy...its just pitiful. Im SO glad im still nursing because thats the fix all. Hungry? Boob. Tired? Boob. In pain? Boob. Mommy want a nap? Boob. You get the point. I love it, and I never would have thought Id be doing it for this long. Before Bella I didnt even plan on doing it at all! (I will thank UVA and my sweet girl for changing my feelings about breastfeeding.)

Ok back to my 1/2 year old. Besides teething hes aaaallllmost crawling. He doesnt really need to crawl tho to get around. He gets around just fine. He rolls around, tucks his head and kicks his little leggies, and he is using his arms to turn around or to grab on to whatever to pull himself. Sometimes he will get on all fours but then he belly flops and just looks like hes trying to swim. Its pretty funny. His feet touch the floor when he is in the jumperoo and he enjoys spinning around. Put him in front of the mirror and he would be content for hours im sure. Hes got a little personailty too and always makes us laugh. Screams extremely loud and squeels ALL.THE.TIME. Ok not all the time...just when he wants attention. Like he doesnt get enough! Ryon says hes spoiled. I dont think so. Extra loved is more like it! Right now he is content with mommy and daddy holding him. Not too fond of being passed around. One day he wont mind...and thats perfectly fine. For now he feels secure with us.

Eating is no biggie for him. He ate great from the spoon ever since I started feeding him. I feed him a little bit most days. Some days we will skip it, usually just if we've been out. He has tried peas, carrots, green beans, rice, oatmeal, sweet potato, pumpkin, and prunes. We got a ninja (needed a new blender...never had a food processer so it works out great) So far ive made roasted butternut squash...which he LOVED and a papaya banana puree which he thought was ehhshmeeehh. Its cool...just tasted like banana really, which make me sick so maybe he takes after mommy.

His favorite thing to do is read. If hes screaming...refuses to eat...then sitting on the floor and putting him in my lap with a book is usually a good way to cheer him up! Hopefully that sticks. Also, car rides. ThankYOuJesus! I thought we were going to have to deal with a screaming baby on car trips foreverrrrr. Nope. Hes great in the car. Usually. Recently he started to love it and im so very thankful. I love sitting with him, but I missed my husband!

Now that he is 6 months Ryon says we have to move him to his room. Im not a big fan of this. I suppose hes getting big for his cosleeper. Eh but not really. And when hes about to wake up I can just reach in and put my hand on his back and he will go back to sleep. If he doesnt I can just pull him in bed with me and feed him without even getting up. Soooo I really dont think its up to Ryon to decide when he gets the boot. Ill just put off ordering the breathable bumper until I decide to move him. Yeah..that sounds good :)

Well, I guess thats all for now...so, Happy 1/2 Birthday, Austin Bane-a-mania! Mommy loves you thiiiiiiiiiis big! 

Rollin'

He did it! Austin FINALLY rolled over {belly to back} for mommy. He did it a while ago for daddy..3 times in 1 week! Everytime I tried to do tummy time he would get PISSED and just want to eat. Welp, today Grandpa left and daddy went to work so it was mommy and austy time. Felt like I havent had much lately! So we were playing...on his back. Mainly hitting himself in his head with the baby einstein ball and trying to put it in his mouth. So I decided to put him on his belly...and without crying he kicked his legs up under him and rolled over :)

Happy mommy. He just lights up my life.

*His baby soft skin.

*Boob smiles.

*The way he hugs me when im putting him to sleep.

*The huge grin he gets on his face when I come home from work..unless he just woke up from a nap then I get the "who are you?!" look..which is pretty funny.

*The way he smiles so big and wants to laugh but ends up coughing because hes so worked up.

*When hes being bashful and puts his frogy blanket infront of his face.

*The relationship he has with Bella already...he LOVES looking at her pictures! {we say a bedtime prayer and thank sissy for watching over us}

*And those CHEEKS..i just want to eat them up!

Ah :) so in love.

Thats all...goodbye.

3 months

3 months?! Where has time gone? Austin is growing and getting quite heavy. I swear every morning when I carry him to his swing he feels 10lbs heavier. Maybe im just tired :)

He's changing evey day and hes quite the talker for mommy and daddy. He likes to observe and is usually quiet for others or when I start recording...little stinker!

I gave him some rice cereal 2 different times and he didnt care for it too much. {But he just looks too stinkin cute in his high chair! Thanks auntie} Last night I decided to let him try avacado. I mashed it up and added some boob juice to it. The look on his face was hilarious. Needless to say he didnt want that either. So we'll try again later. Maybe when hes a tad older...and in a better mood! {Grumpy butt} He was pretty tired tho.  Nana, aunt Robbie and Linda came to cook out monday. Tuesday we had to pick up Nonie from the airport and go to my chiropractic appointment and tonight we get to go have dinner with miss Naomi!(one of Bella's nurses)

This weekend we have a cookout at nana and Joe's and and next week grandpa is coming from CA for 8 days and after he leaves Aunt devon comes from CA for a week or so.

LOTS going on...im sure ill write all about it when I can breathe again! I dont like to be busy so im reaally looking forward to August and lazy stress free days just me and the baby. Oh and Ryon too! ;) lol

Did I mention how hard it is for me to share my time with Austin? So for those wondering why I havent been in touch or invited you over, thats why. I still struggle handing him over(momma didnt teach me to share! lol). Im not trying to be rude, I promise!

((I ask for a rewind button for Austin all the time but sometimes Id like to fast forward!))

Lets see...Ive also been teaching him sign language. A few signs we are working on: I love you, mommy, daddy, milk, eat, and the diaper song. (Youtube it, its hilarious and alway stuck in my head) I wish he would stay the size he is now, but be able to sign to me. baby genious. Yep,  thats what im goin for. Ill let you know how it goes! 

from Austin

he has a few things to say... and since he hasnt quite mastered the keyboard he asked if I would record him.



Thats all folks!

Happy Father's Day!

All Austin's idea...I just helped him :)

Where to begin?

So a blog post is long overdue I know, but I just dont know where to start! So today I will start with a picture. My favorite one so far. Well...theyre all great really.

This is Austin at 10 weeks. He is so amazing. I just love the way he smiles when he makes eye contact and realizes he is staring at his momma. He's trying so hard to talk now too. He opens his mouth and moves his tounge all around and sighs. Sometimes he gets so worked up he'll start coughing. lol. When he first starts out its more like a whimper and then the cutest little coos come out. Not much, but just enough to make you smile. Hes also learned to suck on his hand to self soothe. Hasnt quite figured out how to suck his thumb and cant seem to keep a paci in his mouth. Not  bad thing I suppose. I can tell hes going to start sitting pretty soon too as he wants to pull himself up and loves sitting up while I hold his hands. Hes got awesome head conrol and looks around everywhere. He doesnt want to miss anything so hes constantly moving his head back and forth. He MUST be facing outward. Aka the "man hold". (Only I can hold him facing me without fussing) Daddy jokes that hes a "fan inspector" and he counts the revolutions. Similar to Silar from the show Heros. lol.

Melts my heart this little guy...hes just growing toooo fast.

Guess it turned out to be more than just a picture ;)

A baby story

Well Austin is now 1 month old so I suppose its time I post his birth story! A little late I know...

We arrived at the hospital about 15 minutes "late". We were told to be there at 7:30am on 3/25/11, but really it was just to make sure we got a bed. There was no rush really since te doctor didnt arrive till later and I knew that so I took my time getting ready. I didnt sleep at all Thursday night and of course I was so axious I got sick..yaaaay.

When we got to the hospital and checked in I weighed in and did the whole pee in a cup thing for the last time for a while. lol. {I gained exactly 25lbs this time..10 less than with Bella..woohoo go me} When i got to the room i changed into the lovely gown and i heard the nurse ask Ryon if this was our first and he said "no, second." I waited for her to ask about our first but she didnt. I stayed in the bathroom longer and cried...by the time I came out she had left the room. I was hoping she would ask so she would know how stressed we were...its always uncomortable to say no, this is our second, our daughter died last year. Usually you dont want to come back with a response like that because it makes people uncomfortable, but thats something we should have brought up to our l&d nurse. Oh well. A few minutes later 2 new nurses came in and said they were taking care of me instead. They hooked my monitor up, bp, and started my IV {by pricking me a few times!! Ive got goooood veins too!!}. Again, they asked is this your first? No, I replied. In my head I was so angry I didnt tell them but I didnt know how to say it. They were really nice (bummed I didnt write down any of my nurses names!).

At about 9:30am I saw Dr. McCoy, she checked me and I was 4-5cm and having contractions every 3 minutes. They werent bad at all, pain wise, but on the chart they sure looked bad. She looked surprised when I told her they didnt bother me. She put in the pill (Cytotec) and said she would be back in a little bit. At 10:30 she came back and the contractions were getting a little bit more uncomfortable but still managable. She asked if I wanted my water broken then and so i said sure why not! It took her a minute because the bag was thick, but then BAM! I had a tonnn of water. (10:36am) She then asked if i wanted my epidural. Well silly me said nah ill wait a little bit..thinking it would slow things down too much. They got called for an emergency csection and said they would be back to check on me in a bit. Well the second they all walked out of the room the contractions got super painful! I rang the call button and asked for the epidural. It didnt take that long for the anethesiologist to get to my room and Ryon got to stay but they made him sit down across the room (hello? hes chopped his fingers off and didnt pass out or cry, i think he could handle holding my hand) Anyway I was shaking and having painful contractions so it was a little hard to be still. She said I had a boney back, and it sure didnt feel good--I jumped a little :/
It took a bit for it to kick in but once it did I didnt feel a thing! They kept asking me if I was having a contraction and I would say no, and then look at the monitor and it would be a pretty bad one. Ah, good thing for epidurals! I guess they got pretty good and Dr. McCoy got out of the OR just in time...

At 12:09pm (I know this bc my mom and mil stood in the corner and snapped pictures the whole time with a clock above my head, we wont post those tho since they are x rated!) she came in and checked me and said WOW you dont feel that? His head is RIGHT there..we are going to have a baby!

Panic set in and I was in another world. They set up really quick that the nurses didnt even get back from the csection in time so another one came in. She asked if it was my first and Dr. McCoy(thankfully) gave everyone a briefing really quick about Bella. Dr McCoy sat on the end of the bed and I had a contraction and pushed 2 times. She then said "give me one more push, pause, and then ill tell you when to push again." I pushed 1 more time and out popped his head. I was crying so much I forgot she told me to pause so I kept pushing, they said stop! stop! (Oops) :) So I laid there with his head sticking out and gave it 1 more push and he was born at 12:15pm. Talk about a quick labor! I was in such a state of shock, I was expecting it to be a little while. He was 7lbs 10oz, 19.5in long.

The grandparents got to come in and visit before we were transfered to the mother/baby unit. The pediatrician came in and talked to us about Bella and checked him out and said he looks great but we will keep monitoring him, but everything should be fine.

While we were in the hospital they checked his pulse oxygen levels every hour for a while...and then every 2 or 3 hours after that for our entire stay. A few times it wasnt at 99-100 and we were a little nervous. Hearing that thing beep brought back so many memories. Super anxiety!We stayed an extra night just to be sure, but all was well and we got to bring our precious baby boy home on Sunday!

Leaving the hospital I was so sad...I knew I would be. As I sat waiting for Ryon to bring the car, with Austin in my lap I couldnt help but cry. I flashed back to sitting in the wheelchair at Jefferson...empty handed as my baby was being rushed to Winchester. I cried. Tears of JOY and sadness. The ride home was difficult as well and so many songs came on that reminded me of our sweet girl. It was just such a strange feeling I cant even begin to explain.

I was overwhelmed as I expected, so I requested no visitors atleast the first day. If I had it my way, we would not have had any visitors for atleast a few weeks. We needed time to bond with our new baby, to get adjusted to a newborn in the house, and breast feeding on demand. Hard to do with people around wanting to spend time with the little guy. Needless to say the first week or two were really hard on me with all the people in and out of the house. STRESSED to say the least. Things have calmed down around here now.

Hes now just over 1 month old and slowly but surely we are adjusting! Hes a pretty fussy baby when hes awake and until the other day he was nursing just about every hour, so the 3 of us were exhausted! Me and my 2 milk producing buddies that is! lol He sure is growing like a little weed! boys boys boys :)


This is his big sister after she was born...

And Austin... its kind of hard to tell but they look soo much alike

Happy family shot! (minus one)

Coming Home...

2 weeks

Easter

W***

So I was telling Ryon a while ago that I didnt think it would be hard to go back to work like it is for most women. I just thought, i've lost a baby and gone back to work and survived. Coming home from work to an empty house during that time has got to be worse than leaving your baby at home to go to work. I atleast get to come home to a baby this time. Aaannd Ryon will be the one watching him, awesome right?

Well today I scheduled my post partum appointment and after I got off the phone I cried. I cried at the thought of leaving! I dont want to miss anything! :'( In a perfect world id be a SAHM.

This might be harder than I thought...



(I wrote the birth story and saved it as a draft. Once i figure out what happened to it i will post it!)

Baby

So here we are, March 25th...and we are headed to he hospital for the induction. Im glad he waited and my doctor will be the one delivering so we wont have to go thru explaining our past and she knows just how i am feeling. So by the end of the day we will have a brand new baby boy...and i am TERRIFIED and ANXIOUS and EXCITED. That is all. Good bye :)

Still pregnant

Here I am 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. Thankful im not working so I dont have to hear "youre still here?!?" lol

At my 36 week appointment I was 3cm and 80% effaced. Two weeks before that I was 1cm and 80% effaced. My 37 week appointment I had to go to a different doctor because the doctor I usually see is on vacation until the 18th...aand this doctor didnt check. Its not like checking would tell her or us anything but I was a tad curious (ok WE were really curious). I was ok without the check tho because that just meant no cramps and contractions that dont amount to anything. I thought for sure he'd be here by now. However..more time in the oven for his lungs to mature is perfectly fine with me!

He is starting to sleep more and that just makes me so anxious. Ive had tons of horrible nightmares so I always give him a little nudge when he hasnt moved...and again and again until he does! When he comes home I know I will watch him like a hawk to make sure he is breathing and still pink. Im (trying) to sleep now but I dont think you can build up a sleep supply...wouldnt that be nice?? Maybe ill get lucky with a sleepy nonfussy baby! We shall see.

Hes not even here yet and I find myself stressing, not just about his health. I know there will be lots of people that will want to visit our little guy...and I want everyone to meet him but at the same time I want to hibernate...just me, Ryon, and Austin!! I get a little emotional about it actually. Blame it on the hormones...and our past. I feel like we missed out on so much losing Bella and not being able to bring her home that I want every second just us as a little family that should have been for over a year now. That wont happen and its ok with me...atleast thats what I keep telling myself! lol :) I know I cant keep him to myself forever. We will not having people stay the night at the house tho. I feel a little guilty about this but who wants to hear a crying newborn at 12am, 3am, 5am? Ok, besides me :) I just think that is something for Ryon and I. I just dont want to tiptoe around the house or worry about visitors late at night. Im hoping I wont be TOO exhausted and this will be our special bonding time. Im sure our families will understand!? Right guys?

So now that ive got that off my chest...

Tomorrow is 3/11/11 and that sounds like a good birthday to me! Got out my exercise ball tonight and tomorrow I think we will venture out of the house..maybe do a little walking and some last minute shopping possibly? :) I feel like its going to happen soon...

Will keep you all posted!

Product of bed rest

So yeah, its a pretty long baby blanket. All i knew how to do at first was the chain so I kept on going...lol.

Decal #2

Love love love

Decal #1

We made our minds up and went with Austin Bane :) it was going to be Austin Ryon but Ryon said he was ok with giving up his name as the middle name for a more fitting middle name...part of his hawaiian name. HIS idea!! (Shocking since he really wanted a junior)

Austin's full hawaiian name we gave him is Bane Kalani

Bane= Long awaited child

Kalani= of the heavens

Ryon was born in Hawaii and was given a hawaiian name...Makahani. We thought why not give Bella and Austin hawaiian names as well.

Bella's is Anela Hi'ilani

Anela= Angel

Hi'ilani= Held in the arms of Heaven

Perfect...just like my babies!

False alarm

Bed rest went well...I spent most of the week in our lazy boy crocheting Austin's baby blanet. Ill need another week or 2 of doing just that before its finished. I had contractions every now and then but nothing to run to the doctor about.

My sister came to visit on Thursday for my baby shower on Saturday that she hosted. It was great being home and being able to hang out even tho we couldnt go out and do stuff! The shower turned out great. There only ended up being 10 of us which did make me a little sad that not that many people showed up to celebrate my special little rainbow baby. I do get it was a holiday weekend and other things were going on but I was still disappointed since this was my last baby shower and for a super special boy at that. I am very thankful to those that came tho and I had a great time...it was great getting out of the house as well! We feasted on yummy Panera Bread sandwiches and broccoli cheddar soup...chips, veggies, fruit...and a super cute cake w/cupcakes. We played a few games...and one game turned out to be a gift for me. "Pass the gift" was a gift wrapped 8 times with 8 clues. You read it and do what it says and the next person unwraps it, reads the clue...and repeat. The last person to end up with it gets the gift. WELL it turns out the last clue was "now pass this on to the most beautiful pregnant lady of them all". I was like "whaaat this is supposed to be someone elses gift!" I was bummed at first until I unwrapped a frame w/a drawing my friend Joy did of my pregnant self and angel Bella kissing my belly. I lost it. So hard to look at the picture without crying! My FAVORITE gift by far!! Absolutely love it and it just makes me happy when she is included...sad at the same time that shes not here physically. We ate cake and then opened gifts. I got lots of great stuff for my little man and myself. Clothes, diaper bag, toys, a jumperoo, and a booby pump! Yaaay!

After the shower we decided to go to the cemetary to send Austin's balloons up to Bella. When we finally cleaned up and got there...they had just closed the gates. SO we were just going to the soccer field by her spot when we realized you could get thru the gaps in the gate. The sky/sunset was really pretty. It was freeeeezing cold and windy tho. Soo many flowers along the gate by the soccer filed, and Bella's bear was missing. MIL found it waaay far away by the garage.

Sunday we went to Winchester for the hospital tour. We had been there before but it was such a blur. I felt myself getting a little emotional in the labor room but held it together...until we got to the NICU. I just couldnt help but cry thinking Bella was just behind that door just over a year ago. After that we went to the mall to add to Austin's wardrobe. We got a bunch of cute plaid shorts and shirts and such. Hes going to be soo handsome! We got home, put up the super awesome wall decals we ordered and then headed to Cheesecake Factory for a big family dinner. It was a little tough being around my nieces and hard to hold back tears thinking of my little girl that was missing...but it was great to see them. We went to target and got a few more things and then to Coldstone, which my sister had never been to?!?! YUM.

By the time we got home I was soo exhausted!! We sat around and talked and laughed and then I started to not feel so great so I took a bath. I was ok for a few minutes and then got REALLY sick. Like the scene in the Excorcist. It was not fun at all. I was having contractions and I thought I might possibly be in labor because I got sick when I was with Bella also. The contractions werent terrible tho but we decided to go to the hospital anyway. I took a shower and got ready and we headed there around 2am. Btw the construction going on at WMC sucks. Its a mile walk to the emergency entrance. Just like at Jefferson I stood at the window while the ladies finished their conversation until I said helllooooo...sooo annoying!! I got wheeled up to L&D. By this time I was feeling less like I was in labor and more like I was just really ill. They hooked me up to monior the baby and I also got an IV...pricked several times! My poor arm & hand!! When I started getting the fluids in I started throwing up...I just couldnt keep anything down. At this point we had not been to sleep in well over 24 hours. Ryon & I were both soo exhausted! And poor Ryon had to sit in the most uncomfortable chair everrrr. The doctor ordered an ultrasound to check my gallbladder and we waited forevvverrrr for that. Hours. We finally got wheeled down and waited even longer. The doctor gave me the option of staying and waiting for the results, or letting me go home with Tamiflu and Zofran with the promise that if I couldnt keep anything down I would come back. I could not wait to go home!! We finally left around 12:30pm. It was much more comfortable being home and miserable instead of in the hospital miserable. The doctor called not long after we got home and said I had a gallstone but that its unrelated to my sickness.

I wasnt really able to sleep much but my fever finally broke by Tuesday. Tuesday was still pretty terrible and I was just super achey all over..no way I could have delivered a baby!

Feeling a little better today even tho I got sick in the middle of the night. Austin seems to be moving more and food has so far stayed down. Cant wait to go back to the doctor on Monday and find out if I have dialated any more since they didnt check at the hospital. 

Austins room is just about complete and his clothes are in the washer.. :)  Now we are just patiently waiting for his arrival. Im ok with waiting a little bit longer.

34 weeks, guilt and saddness

We had an appointment on Valentines Day, the 34 week mark. We found out Austin is measuring 5lbs 2oz and looking great. He sure looks squished in there and had his hands infront of his face so we werent able to get one last 3d of him. I had a few contractions while we waited for the doctor so she checked out my cervix and found out that im 1cm dialated and 80% effaced. She suggested I take off work a week and just lay around to be sure we made it atleast to 35 weeks. Before we left we also scheduled my induction for 3/25 even tho my doctor says we wont make to the 25th. I left the appointment shakin in my boots and wanting to cry my eyes out! So nervous. So here I am on bed rest for the week..and it is flying by! I really need to pack my hospital bag but just thinking about it gives me anxiety...

Ive been missing Bella so much lately as my due date is getting closer and closer. Its such an emotional roller coaster between feeling sad, anxious, excited, scared...and then guilt. I feel a lot of guilt that im not as happy about this pregnancy. I must say that i love feeling him move and squirm around inside of me, its just an incredible feeling. But aside from that...its just different. I didnt expect it to be like the blissful pregnancy I had with Bella...but I didnt think id feel like this.

Lately ive been hearing a lot of people tell me things like "everything will be fine when you hold him in your arms", "hes going to be healthy dont worry" and things along those lines. Its hard to not scream out "YOU DONT GET IT!" Its so much more than that. The only people that truely get it i feel are my fellow ACD moms and moms that lost their only little girl. When hes born its not like these feelings will suddenly be ok and everything will be fine. I have faith that he will be healthy and such a joy...worrying about his health is only a slight concern...especially if hes early. I just dont want to hear bad news about his lungs. Im pretty anxious about my grief "coming back" full force when i hold my little boy. I just want to be the happy fun loving mom that he deserves. Itll be tough being mom to an angel and to a living child.

(On a side note: I cant take it when moms refer to their living children as angels...babies are not supposed to be angels! Just fyi)

My thoughts are everywhere...and same with my emotions.

And you would never know this by looking at me because on the outside everything is GREAT.

Yikes

This is a profile shot...with his face smashed up against my placenta :) 31 weeks 4 days

Its funny that my last post was "Early?"

...we had a snow storm come thru on Wednesday night(1/26) and I was having tons of contractions when I finally got home from work. Also a few throughout the day, most likely from stressing about driving home! They werent just braxton hicks, these hurt and started in my back. Of course when it was whiteout conditions outside they were fierce. I was finally able to go to sleep after taking a tylenol and drinking lots of water. I kept saying if we could have we would have headed to L&D!

The next day I went to work 1/2 day--driving on snow and ice packed roads...im surprised he didnt fall out it was so bumpy!! lol I had my regular ob check up in the afternoon. Everything was fine by then of course. Got weighed, checked bp and she showed me the heartbeat. She was going to try and get a 3d picture for us but his hand was infront of his face. He was moving his mouth a lot, swallowing...or talking to us :) it was the cutest thing! Dr came in next and said well youre easy, howd I get so lucky?! Thats when I said well I guess I should mention I had a million contractions last night. Theeeen she went into super concerned doctor mode and looked at my cervix by pelvic ultrasound. Then proceeded to tell me it looked short and would need to do a vaginal...along with a fetal fibronectin test aand group B strep just incase the fFN was positive. If it were to be positive she said id go on bed rest and maybe have to get shots to help mature his lungs. His lungs?? Not something we wanted to hear!

The appointment didnt help with my anxiety at allll. I left shaking and so anxious to get the results back. Every movement and contraction had me soo worried no matter how hard I tried not to. Its so easy for other people to say "oh dont worry itll be ok!" Yeah, It will be ok when I have a healthy baby in my arms...so id rather not hear that. :) mmmk thaanks.

Anyway, I didnt sleep well...(mainly because my dog chose to sleep on my side of the bed and take up all the room :)

I got to work and an hour or so later got a call from nurse Kim to tell me the results from the test were NEGATIVE! yaaaay.

So that was that. No bed rest, no shots...and Austin is staying where he belongs for the moment :) happy mommy.

...Ok so I wouldnt have been opposed to atleast a few days off work...but not weeeks. Then it really would have dragged! Im hoping these next 7ish weeks go by fairly quick!

We get to see little man again on Valentines day...measurments and all! Cant wait to hear how big he is now.

Early?

When i found out I was pregnant I just had a feeling that this baby was going to come early. Then we found out it was a boy and thought for sure he would be early because hes so low and he just seems to want out. Or maybe I just hoped he would decide to come on March 17th. How cool would it be to have a rainbow baby on St Pattys day?!?! Still hoping.

Now im getting a little anxious because so far 3/4 of my BLM friends have had their rainbow babies early. I know I cant control when he comes but im sure anxiety is not helping. Every pain now is concerning. If he does decide to wait until my induction(March 25...3 days before dd) then this is going to be a LONG 2 months!!

Uncomfortable

I am finally 30 weeks...(in my 31st week of pregnancy, does anyone else find that confusing? I always did)

Anyway, I'm really starting to get uncomfortable now. It just hit me hard this week. I'm feeling pretty large...and very TIRED. The terrible painful excruciating stupid lower back pain and having to flip over every 30 minutes at night make sleep a hard thing to get. I know I said I wouldn't complain...but I'm just at a point of frustration. I have been pregnant FOR.EVE.ERRR and still no babies. Am I going to be able to handle motherhood? Starting to freak out a little about labor(!!!) and bringing our little man home. I watch some shows and (E)news and other people with babies and it just looks different now. Not real. Not in my world atleast. Maybe I'm just good at carrying babies but will I be good at taking care of them? I know once he gets here things (should) will change and it'll be natural...or so I hope! I know ill get tons of unwanted advice and I pray that I won't get frusterated with these people. I mean, I should know about raising a baby...I hate that I didn't get the opportunity and all I know is how to be pregnant. Well, once Austin gets here ill be sooo gald to be thru with the pregnant part for a little while!...a few months atleast ;)

Cravings

{I haven't posted in a while...mainly because for some reason the app I use doesn't save drafts so the posts I've written just get deleted and I don't like starting over}

So the new craving is oranges and blackberries. YUM. Don't bring me asparagus anymore tho, that stuff is naaaassty! How on earth did I eat that drenched in garlic and lemon juice every day for months? Ick.

Funny how things change :)

Ill update sometime soon, Austy sure is getting large!

9 weeks to go.