Where to begin?

So a blog post is long overdue I know, but I just dont know where to start! So today I will start with a picture. My favorite one so far. Well...theyre all great really.

This is Austin at 10 weeks. He is so amazing. I just love the way he smiles when he makes eye contact and realizes he is staring at his momma. He's trying so hard to talk now too. He opens his mouth and moves his tounge all around and sighs. Sometimes he gets so worked up he'll start coughing. lol. When he first starts out its more like a whimper and then the cutest little coos come out. Not much, but just enough to make you smile. Hes also learned to suck on his hand to self soothe. Hasnt quite figured out how to suck his thumb and cant seem to keep a paci in his mouth. Not  bad thing I suppose. I can tell hes going to start sitting pretty soon too as he wants to pull himself up and loves sitting up while I hold his hands. Hes got awesome head conrol and looks around everywhere. He doesnt want to miss anything so hes constantly moving his head back and forth. He MUST be facing outward. Aka the "man hold". (Only I can hold him facing me without fussing) Daddy jokes that hes a "fan inspector" and he counts the revolutions. Similar to Silar from the show Heros. lol.

Melts my heart this little guy...hes just growing toooo fast.

Guess it turned out to be more than just a picture ;)

A baby story

Well Austin is now 1 month old so I suppose its time I post his birth story! A little late I know...

We arrived at the hospital about 15 minutes "late". We were told to be there at 7:30am on 3/25/11, but really it was just to make sure we got a bed. There was no rush really since te doctor didnt arrive till later and I knew that so I took my time getting ready. I didnt sleep at all Thursday night and of course I was so axious I got sick..yaaaay.

When we got to the hospital and checked in I weighed in and did the whole pee in a cup thing for the last time for a while. lol. {I gained exactly 25lbs this time..10 less than with Bella..woohoo go me} When i got to the room i changed into the lovely gown and i heard the nurse ask Ryon if this was our first and he said "no, second." I waited for her to ask about our first but she didnt. I stayed in the bathroom longer and cried...by the time I came out she had left the room. I was hoping she would ask so she would know how stressed we were...its always uncomortable to say no, this is our second, our daughter died last year. Usually you dont want to come back with a response like that because it makes people uncomfortable, but thats something we should have brought up to our l&d nurse. Oh well. A few minutes later 2 new nurses came in and said they were taking care of me instead. They hooked my monitor up, bp, and started my IV {by pricking me a few times!! Ive got goooood veins too!!}. Again, they asked is this your first? No, I replied. In my head I was so angry I didnt tell them but I didnt know how to say it. They were really nice (bummed I didnt write down any of my nurses names!).

At about 9:30am I saw Dr. McCoy, she checked me and I was 4-5cm and having contractions every 3 minutes. They werent bad at all, pain wise, but on the chart they sure looked bad. She looked surprised when I told her they didnt bother me. She put in the pill (Cytotec) and said she would be back in a little bit. At 10:30 she came back and the contractions were getting a little bit more uncomfortable but still managable. She asked if I wanted my water broken then and so i said sure why not! It took her a minute because the bag was thick, but then BAM! I had a tonnn of water. (10:36am) She then asked if i wanted my epidural. Well silly me said nah ill wait a little bit..thinking it would slow things down too much. They got called for an emergency csection and said they would be back to check on me in a bit. Well the second they all walked out of the room the contractions got super painful! I rang the call button and asked for the epidural. It didnt take that long for the anethesiologist to get to my room and Ryon got to stay but they made him sit down across the room (hello? hes chopped his fingers off and didnt pass out or cry, i think he could handle holding my hand) Anyway I was shaking and having painful contractions so it was a little hard to be still. She said I had a boney back, and it sure didnt feel good--I jumped a little :/
It took a bit for it to kick in but once it did I didnt feel a thing! They kept asking me if I was having a contraction and I would say no, and then look at the monitor and it would be a pretty bad one. Ah, good thing for epidurals! I guess they got pretty good and Dr. McCoy got out of the OR just in time...

At 12:09pm (I know this bc my mom and mil stood in the corner and snapped pictures the whole time with a clock above my head, we wont post those tho since they are x rated!) she came in and checked me and said WOW you dont feel that? His head is RIGHT there..we are going to have a baby!

Panic set in and I was in another world. They set up really quick that the nurses didnt even get back from the csection in time so another one came in. She asked if it was my first and Dr. McCoy(thankfully) gave everyone a briefing really quick about Bella. Dr McCoy sat on the end of the bed and I had a contraction and pushed 2 times. She then said "give me one more push, pause, and then ill tell you when to push again." I pushed 1 more time and out popped his head. I was crying so much I forgot she told me to pause so I kept pushing, they said stop! stop! (Oops) :) So I laid there with his head sticking out and gave it 1 more push and he was born at 12:15pm. Talk about a quick labor! I was in such a state of shock, I was expecting it to be a little while. He was 7lbs 10oz, 19.5in long.

The grandparents got to come in and visit before we were transfered to the mother/baby unit. The pediatrician came in and talked to us about Bella and checked him out and said he looks great but we will keep monitoring him, but everything should be fine.

While we were in the hospital they checked his pulse oxygen levels every hour for a while...and then every 2 or 3 hours after that for our entire stay. A few times it wasnt at 99-100 and we were a little nervous. Hearing that thing beep brought back so many memories. Super anxiety!We stayed an extra night just to be sure, but all was well and we got to bring our precious baby boy home on Sunday!

Leaving the hospital I was so sad...I knew I would be. As I sat waiting for Ryon to bring the car, with Austin in my lap I couldnt help but cry. I flashed back to sitting in the wheelchair at Jefferson...empty handed as my baby was being rushed to Winchester. I cried. Tears of JOY and sadness. The ride home was difficult as well and so many songs came on that reminded me of our sweet girl. It was just such a strange feeling I cant even begin to explain.

I was overwhelmed as I expected, so I requested no visitors atleast the first day. If I had it my way, we would not have had any visitors for atleast a few weeks. We needed time to bond with our new baby, to get adjusted to a newborn in the house, and breast feeding on demand. Hard to do with people around wanting to spend time with the little guy. Needless to say the first week or two were really hard on me with all the people in and out of the house. STRESSED to say the least. Things have calmed down around here now.

Hes now just over 1 month old and slowly but surely we are adjusting! Hes a pretty fussy baby when hes awake and until the other day he was nursing just about every hour, so the 3 of us were exhausted! Me and my 2 milk producing buddies that is! lol He sure is growing like a little weed! boys boys boys :)


This is his big sister after she was born...

And Austin... its kind of hard to tell but they look soo much alike

Happy family shot! (minus one)

Coming Home...

2 weeks

Easter

W***

So I was telling Ryon a while ago that I didnt think it would be hard to go back to work like it is for most women. I just thought, i've lost a baby and gone back to work and survived. Coming home from work to an empty house during that time has got to be worse than leaving your baby at home to go to work. I atleast get to come home to a baby this time. Aaannd Ryon will be the one watching him, awesome right?

Well today I scheduled my post partum appointment and after I got off the phone I cried. I cried at the thought of leaving! I dont want to miss anything! :'( In a perfect world id be a SAHM.

This might be harder than I thought...



(I wrote the birth story and saved it as a draft. Once i figure out what happened to it i will post it!)

Baby

So here we are, March 25th...and we are headed to he hospital for the induction. Im glad he waited and my doctor will be the one delivering so we wont have to go thru explaining our past and she knows just how i am feeling. So by the end of the day we will have a brand new baby boy...and i am TERRIFIED and ANXIOUS and EXCITED. That is all. Good bye :)

Still pregnant

Here I am 37 1/2 weeks pregnant. Thankful im not working so I dont have to hear "youre still here?!?" lol

At my 36 week appointment I was 3cm and 80% effaced. Two weeks before that I was 1cm and 80% effaced. My 37 week appointment I had to go to a different doctor because the doctor I usually see is on vacation until the 18th...aand this doctor didnt check. Its not like checking would tell her or us anything but I was a tad curious (ok WE were really curious). I was ok without the check tho because that just meant no cramps and contractions that dont amount to anything. I thought for sure he'd be here by now. However..more time in the oven for his lungs to mature is perfectly fine with me!

He is starting to sleep more and that just makes me so anxious. Ive had tons of horrible nightmares so I always give him a little nudge when he hasnt moved...and again and again until he does! When he comes home I know I will watch him like a hawk to make sure he is breathing and still pink. Im (trying) to sleep now but I dont think you can build up a sleep supply...wouldnt that be nice?? Maybe ill get lucky with a sleepy nonfussy baby! We shall see.

Hes not even here yet and I find myself stressing, not just about his health. I know there will be lots of people that will want to visit our little guy...and I want everyone to meet him but at the same time I want to hibernate...just me, Ryon, and Austin!! I get a little emotional about it actually. Blame it on the hormones...and our past. I feel like we missed out on so much losing Bella and not being able to bring her home that I want every second just us as a little family that should have been for over a year now. That wont happen and its ok with me...atleast thats what I keep telling myself! lol :) I know I cant keep him to myself forever. We will not having people stay the night at the house tho. I feel a little guilty about this but who wants to hear a crying newborn at 12am, 3am, 5am? Ok, besides me :) I just think that is something for Ryon and I. I just dont want to tiptoe around the house or worry about visitors late at night. Im hoping I wont be TOO exhausted and this will be our special bonding time. Im sure our families will understand!? Right guys?

So now that ive got that off my chest...

Tomorrow is 3/11/11 and that sounds like a good birthday to me! Got out my exercise ball tonight and tomorrow I think we will venture out of the house..maybe do a little walking and some last minute shopping possibly? :) I feel like its going to happen soon...

Will keep you all posted!

Product of bed rest

So yeah, its a pretty long baby blanket. All i knew how to do at first was the chain so I kept on going...lol.

Decal #2

Love love love